Not a Creature Was Stirring Not Even a Guess Again Bitch

Canonical List of 'Twas the Nighttime Earlier Christmas Variations
Version 2007.ane
Part 41 of l
January 7, 2007

Compiled by: Matthew Monroe

Archived at: http://www.alchemistmatt.com/twas/

Contains 849 versions of the classic verse form, including headers from nearly of the posts and credits when available. The versions range from innocent and cute to vulgar and obscene, and so read at your own discretion. I have collected about of these versions by searching the newsgroups using Google Groups and the at present retired Deja News. I'd be happy to receive any additional versions you might have.

Meet the Chief Alphabetize for the complete contents.

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Curt Title: RudolphsNightOff  Bailiwick:      season's greetings From:         nospamalina@earthlink.internet (Rebecca Logan) Date:         1997/12/24 Bulletin-ID:   <34a06260.23305024@news.earthlink.net> Newsgroups:   alt.recovery.aa  RUDOLPH'Due south Dark OFF  'Twas the nighttime before Christmas and Rudolph was lame! The vet from the North Pole said, "Footrot'southward to arraign. I'll give him some sulfa, it'south the best I can do But stall residue is needed the next week or ii." "Great Scott!" cried onetime Santy, he turned with a jerk, "I won't git through Pierre if my headlights don't work! On Interstate forty I'll surely go fined And lost in Montana if I'm flying blind!"  "No cop in his right mind would give any clout To a geezer who claimed that his reindeer went out!" He gathered the others, ol' Donner and Blitzen, Were whatever among 'em whose nose was transmitzen? They grunted and strained and certain made a mess Only no noses glowed brightly or ears luminesced. "It's bad luck in bunches," cried Santy, distressed, "Nosotros'll wing Continental, the Red Center Express!"  "I'll only check the schedule," he put on his glasses When upwards stepped 'ol Billy, the caprine animal from Lampasasas. He shivered and shook like a mouse on the Ark But his horns were a beacon...They glowed in the dark! Santy went crazy!  He asked, "Why?" with a smile "I just ate a watch with a radium dial! Where I come from in Texas we don't have thick hide My skin is so thin it shines through from inside."  "If that's truthful then permit'southward feed him!" cried Santy with glee "Get together everything burnin' and bring it to me!" So Billy ate flashbulbs and solar collectors, Electrical eels and road sign reflectors, Firecracker sparklers, a Lady Schick shaver And Lifesavers, all of em' wintergreen flavor, Jelly from phophorescellous fish, Day Glow pizza in a glittering dish,  Fireflies and candles and stuff that ignites, Then had him a big basin of Northering Lights! He danced on the rug and petted the true cat And after he'd finished and washed all of that To store upward the static 'lectricity better They forced him to eat ii balloons and a sweater! And so he opened his oral fissure, lite fell on the floor, Like the fridge light comes on when you lot open up the door!  His Halloween smile couldn't be meliorate drawn When he burped accidently, his high beams kicked on! "Hitch him up!" cried ol' Santy, and they went on their style. I remember that Christmas to this very day The sky was ablaze with the stars shining bright. They were shooting and falling all through the night. And I realize at present, though my fingers are crossed, What I really was seein'...was ol' Billy'due south exhaust!      --Baxter Black--  Becky Fifty Western Washington v/25/88 electronic mail: loganr@earthlink.net  ************************************************************ ************************************************************      

Short Title: RV  From: HHamp5246 (hhamp5246@aol.comnospam) Subject: Re: OT - Political Correctness Has Gone Too Far  Newsgroups: rec.outdoors.rv-travel Date: 2002-12-08 09:16:08 PST   I estimate it's time to pull this out of storage....  THE RV Nighttime Earlier CHRISTMAS  'Twas the night earlier Christmas and all through the country RVers were sleeping in their great big tin cans. The stockings were hung by the fridge with great care In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.  The children were nestled all snug in their beds While memories of family trips danced in their heads. And Ma in her sweater and I in my shorts Were watching TV - a bear witness of some sorts.  When out in our campsite at that place arose such a clatter, I sprung from the gaucho to run across what's the matter. To the window I flew, heart full of fearfulness. I pulled up the blinds to see what was well-nigh.  Then what to my wondering eyes did appear, But a giant red sleigh and a agglomeration of reindeer! When I saw the commuter I realized real quick This must exist the ever and then famous St. Nick!  Faster than Dodge Dualies his coursers did tow, And no hint of sway, not even in snow! He looked at his team and started to bellow. He had a loud vocalization, this Santa Claus fellow!  "Now Dasher, at present Dancer, at present Prancer and Vixen, On Comet, on Cupid, on Donder and Blitzen! To the roof of that trailer, to the top of them all, Dash away, dash away, dash away all!"  Then up on my trailer those reindeer, they flew! With a sleigh full of toys and St. Nicholas, likewise. Then, in a twinkling, up on my roof, I heard the prancing of all those big hooves!  "The roof will cave in, we're all going to dice!" I idea of insurance and started to weep. I got it together and was turning around, When from the bathroom there came a foreign sound.  A thumping came out of the toilet that night, Sometime Santa had come down the incorrect darn vent piping! I opened the dump valve and out Santa came, Covered with substances I don't care to name.  With a wink of his eye and a nod of his head, He was magically cleaned - in that location was nothing to dread. A bundle of toys he had with him, cinched tight. He looked just like my wife on laundry night.  He spoke non a word, but went straight to his work, He filled all our stockings, and turned with a jerk. And so turning the crank while continuing on his toes, He gathered himself upwards and out the roof vent he rose.  He jumped in his sleigh, to his team gave a holler, And away they all flew - but like RVing dollars! But I heard him exclaim equally he drove out of sight, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"  Originally posted hither by Dudley. Hunter  ************************************************************ ************************************************************      

Short Title: SallyClaus     The Night Before Christmas    (As Told past Santa Claus)     by Percy Ross, Timothy D. Kehr, and John M. Maddock     from Percy's newspaper column "Cheers a 1000000"   'Twas the nighttime earlier Christmas...a twelvemonth 'go tonight.  I hurried and scurried to get on my flying.  Warned my Emerge Claus as I ran to the door,  "Careful, dear, watch out, I just waxed the floor!"   "Oh?" I whoaed, feeling me starting a slip,  And, "Whoa!" as I flipped to the floor on my hip!  The table went flying into the air,  Equally well as the dishes, the cups and the chairs.   Earlier I could utter some other loud shout,  Crashing near me they knocked me right out!  Sally came running from hearing the smash-upward,  merely I lay at that place a helpless and hapless crash-up   A few minutes afterward, I woke upwards in bed,  Sally was wrapping some gauze 'round my caput.  I tried to go upwards merely the injure wouldn't let me.  "Sally..." I moaned, "Take the elves come up to become me?"   "No, dear," said she, "Yous must stay till you're well."  "What about Christmas?!" I rang like a bell!  "Now is the night I must go on my rounds,  Taking the nowadays to cities and towns!"   The sleigh was all packed, and the reindeer were ready,  The elves had to quiet and hold them downward steady.  Sally's eyes widened, "Say, how 'tour the elves?"  I groaned, "They can't handle the sleigh past themselves!"   Doing the magical deeds that I tin?  Why, taking my place would sure take quite the man!  "Well, call in the elves to come here to my bed.  They tin can unpack all the presents," I said.   Sally Claus did so, and when they came to me,  I told them what happened, and they looked so gloomy.  "Due south-South-Santa!" they stuttered. "No presents this year?"  "Sorry..." I whispered, and they cried, "Oh, dear!"   "Isn't there someone," they pleaded, "to effort?"  "Nary a person..." I breathed with a sigh.  "There is no time left, it's now Christmas Eve.  Would that I could, even I'1000 tardily to leave."   While we were speaking and seeking an reply,  Loud came a shouting, "Up Dancer and Prancer!  Upward Comet! Upward Cupid! Get Donner and Blitzen!  Rudolph, now pb! On Dasher and Vixen!"   I turned to the elves, and they all turned to me,  Each of us wondering, "Who could that exist?"  Maybe a hero? Or could be a gangster!  I cried, "What if it is a mean, mischievous prankster?   "Meanwhile, take Sally brew us up some tea.  We must give though to this strange mystery.  Ask her to bring together us, out thoughts are confused.  She'south good at minding her P'due south and her Q's."   They came back puffing: "She's not in her chair,  Not in the kitchen, we looked everywhere.  Nosotros went outside, and we ran all around,  Searching and calling! "She'due south non to be found!"   Early next morn, we stirred to a tingling.  Far off the audio of faint sleigh-bells came jingling!  Rushing the windows and leaning the sills,  Scanning, we squinted the bright North Pole hills.   "Surprise!" Emerge shouted, "I had and then much fun!  I did it! I did it! And didn't miss one!"  "Sally!" I got upwardly and rushed to her side,  "Sally, you're domicile, I'yard so happy!" I cried.   "Each Christmas," she chided, "When you flew away,  You didn't return here for most of the mean solar day.  Just I, for the first time..." she started to laugh,  "Delivered the presents in less time than half!"   What could I tell her? What she said was true.  I don't know how she could practise information technology, do you?  Maybe I'll find out tonight when nosotros ride...  This Christmas Eve, she'll be right by my side.   "And they waved with this wish equally they flew out of sight:  Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"   ************************************************************ ************************************************************      

Short Title: Samhain  From: Turtle (turtleofoz@aol.comedy) Subject: Nighttime Earlier Samhain (FLUFF) (longish)  Newsgroups: soc.religion.paganism Date: 1999/ten/29    Establish by a friend of mine on a web site, which he didn't send the link to.  Hope you all savor it.  Nighttime Before Samhain  'Twas the evening of Samhain, and all through the identify were pagans preparing the ritual infinite. The candles were set in the corners with care, in hopes that the Watchtowers before long would exist in that location.  Nosotros all had our robes on (as is habitual) and had simply settled down and were starting our ritual when out on the porch there arose such a chorus that we went to the door, and waiting there for us were children in costumes of diverse kinds with visions of chocolate bright in their minds. In all of our workings, we'd almost forgot, but nosotros had purchased candy (nosotros'd purchased a LOT),  And so, as they flocked from all over the street, they all got some chocolate or something else sweet. We didn't think twice of delaying our rite, Kids merely don't have this much fun every night.  For hours they came, with the time-honored schtick of giving a choice: a treat or a fob. As is proper, the parents were there for the games, Watching the children and calling their names.  "On Vader, On Leia, On Dexter and DeeDee, On Xena, on Buffy, Casper and Tweety!  To the block of apartments on the neighboring road; Yous'll get so much processed, you'll accept to exist TOWED!"  The book of children eventually dropped, and equally it grew darker, information technology finally stopped. Just every bit we prepared to render to our rite, One kid more stepped out of the night.  She couldn't accept been more than than twelve or thirteen. Her pilus was deep red, and her robe, wood green with a simple gold cord tying off at the waist. She'd a staff in her paw and a smile on her confront.  No brand-upwards, nor mask, or accompanying kitsch, so we asked who she was; she replied "I'm a witch. And no, I don't fly through the sky on my broom; I only apply that thing for cleaning my room.  My magical powers aren't really that keen, simply I won't threaten tricks; I'll merely ask for a treat." We found it refreshing, then we gave incense cones, A candle, a crystal, a few other stones,  And the residual of the candy (which might make full a van). She turned to her father (a human dressed as Pan) and laughed, "Yes, I know, Dad, it's by time for bed," and started to go out, but she first turned and said  "I'm sorry for further delaying your rite. Blessed Samhain to all, and a magical night."  Copyright (c) 1999 by Cather Steincamp A Blest Samhain to you lot and yours...  --Turtle (Millennium, Schmillennium.) Mind the spam trap.   ************************************************************ ************************************************************      

Short Championship: SantaRobbery1  From: Larry (larryinatlanta@aol.comnojunk) Subject area: T'was Two Nights Before Christmas  Newsgroups: rec.music.makers.piano Date: 2000-12-22 00:12:21 PST    A petty poem for my NG friends at Christmas....simply for a laugh... (a remake of T'was The Night Before Christmas)  T'was ii nights before Christmas, when all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse; The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, I'd worn them a month, and they needed the air.  The children were spending the nighttime with their granny, The one with the wart and the corking big broad fanny, And ma in her nightie and I in my pants Had merely settled in for some peaceful romance.  When out in the den there arose such a clatter I sprang from my bed to encounter what was the matter. Away downwards the hallway I flew like a bat, I searched for the lightswitch but tripped and fell flat.  The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow Gave lustre of mid-day to my poor stubbed toe, When what to my wondering optics should I encounter, But a whole agglomeration of elves just staring at me.  There was one in particular whose knees were quite knobby, Who was sitting in front of my aboriginal Knabe, More than rapid than Mozart his fingers they flew, And he whistled and shouted equally he played what he knew;  "Negligente! Nocturne! Ostinato! Ardente!" "Agitato! Burlando! Stepitoso, Impaziente!" "From the beginning of the fugue to the end of the canon, We will play this piano, but we won't practice no Hanon!"  And as dry out leaves earlier the wild hurricane fly, When I switched on the light they all flew to the sky, Equally I tried to remember what I'd eaten that night, In the hopes of determining what acquired this weird sight,  I was stopped in my tracks past a audio on the roof, And it was that exact moment my libido went poof. Every bit I drew in my hand and was turning effectually, Downwards the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.  When he saw me he turned merely equally white as his bristles, Y'all could run across in his eyes information technology was me that he feared, "What are you lot doing home?" with a slight nervous grin, "I was merely passing through....uh...would SWIRTO exist in?"  My eyes how they blazed! My dimples were squaring, My cheeks were red hot, and my olfactory organ holes were flaring, My mouth was all twisted up in a tight knot, And the top of my head was exceedingly hot.  The stump of his pipe I shoved into his teeth, Y'all could see little stars �circular his caput like a wreath, I popped in his face, and I punched in his belly, And he shook when he fell like a bowl full of jelly.  Past the fourth dimension SWIRTO got there I thought he was expressionless, And she laughed when she saw information technology and just shook her caput, "What have you two been upwards to?" I said with a shout, And then sat on the piano bench fix to frown.  "He'south not the real Santa," she said, "So don't fear." "I've seen him while shopping.....I call back it was Sears." "The kids must have told him the way to our business firm, While reading their wish listing, and so don't be a bickering."  "Just telephone call the police and they'll take him abroad, And then come back to bed, �cause it's been a long mean solar day." I spoke not a word merely went straight to my work, And opened the back door and through out the jerk.  The common cold snow awoke him, up the driveway he flew, But he met with a cruiser who was flashing his bluish, And the officer yelled and he blew on his whistle, Then they drove him away similar the downwardly of a thistle.  But I heard him exclaim as they drove out of sight, "I'll be dorsum again SWIRTO! I just picked the wrong night!"   (*SWIRTO: She whom I refuse to obey) Merry Christmas!  Larry Fletcher Pianos Inc Atlanta GA Dealer/technician   ************************************************************ ************************************************************      

Short Title: SantaRobbery2  From: Anonymous Sent: Friday, February 17, 2006 12:43 PM  Santa Robbery Night Before Christmas (in da 'hood)  Wuz da night befoe Chrima, An' all over de flats, Eastward'torso wuz cribin, Even de rats.  We'z hung up our stockins, An' hope like de heck, Dat 'ol Sanny Claus, Wuz gonna bring u.s. our cheque.  All of de family, Wuz la' in up in der beds, While thunderbird vino, Danced in der heads.  I waked up from my sleep, I'z passed out on de flaw, An' I hearded such a fuss, I thought information technology mus be de constabulary.  I lookt out in de skreet, An' said lawd, expect at dat, It's a huge watermelou, Pulled by giant wharf rats.  See all t'rue de years, Sanny Claus, He exist white, But u.s.a. bro's gon hab us, A blackness Sanny Claus da nighttime.  Faster dan a police cah, His wharf rats dey came, An he whisted an' shouted, An' calt dem by name.  On Leroy! On Rosevelt! On Booker'T An' James Lewis, On Spike! On Tyrone, On Allonso, An' Demetrious!  Day pulled dat watermelou, Out of de screet, An' into de "project", from de trash cans de swallow.  He didn't become downwardly no chimnea, But picked de lock on de doe, And I seez to myself, Dis bro'southward done dis befoe!  He picked up my cam'r An' my new vcr - uh, An' my fuzzy red die, Dat i han in my car - uh,  I knew whut hez doin', My stuff all exist hot, He gonna change it, For stuff dat wuz not.  Wit my stuff in his purse, Out de window he flew, I wait f' him to come dorsum, With my stuff dat be new.  But ha ain't come dorsum, Dat son-of bitch, He jumped on he wa'melou, And pulled out a switch,  He slapped on dem rats, And blew outta here, Been dun stole all my stuff, An' boozer all my beer.  Side by side twelvemonth I'grand hopin' A white Sanny Claus exist it, Cuz a black Sanny Claus, Just ain't wurf a shit!   ************************************************************ ************************************************************      

Short Championship: SaudiArabia  Subject:      Christmas across the pond Sense of humour From:         "Dandalion"                  Date:         1997/12/17 Bulletin-ID:   <6780h7$3s7@mtinsc03.worldnet.att.net> Newsgroups:   alt.humor.jewish  Once it starts, there's just no stopping it! Over again from my mum, goodness but knows where she found it...  For those who are celebrating Christmas in Saudi arabia!  'Twas the night before the holidays and all through the land, Not a brute was stirring non one grain of sand. The stockings were hung on the tent lines with care, In hope that the fat man soon would be there.  The children were nestled all snug in the sand, with ripe juicy dates clutched tight in each hand.  And I in my ghutra and Ma in her veil, had just settled downward to a long wintertime's tale. When out on the dunes there arose such a clatter, I jumped off the carpet to see what was the affair.  Away out the tend door I flew like a flash, and watched as they landed with a bump, thump & crash. The lite on the humps of viii camels outside, gave a luster of midday to each sandy hide.  So what to my wondering eyes should appear, just a shinny Toyota attached to their rear. With a lilliputian old driver so lively and quick, I knew in a moment information technology must be old Nick.  He spoke not a word but went directly to his work, and filled all the stocking then turned with a wiggle. He looked at me clearly and gave me a wink, then took off for his truck before I could call up.  How did he notice us in this foreign country? How could he see u.s.a. lost in the sand? And so I heard him exclaim equally he drove out of sight, "Many thoughts from afar are with you tonight!"  ************************************************************ ************************************************************              

Brusque Championship: Scalpers  Subject:      A SCALPERS X-MAS (humour) From:         brs75056@aol.com (BRS75056) Date:         1997/12/14 Bulletin-ID:   <19971214041901.XAA12371@ladder02.news.aol.com> Newsgroups:   rec.toys.cars     A SCALPERS CHRISTMAS  'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through TRU, The scalpers were searching for an "investment" or two. Their vans were parked in the lot by the door, They dropped off one load then went dorsum for more than.  Treasure Hunt's were thrown in their carts with great haste, Limit Two? Yea right -- no time to waste matter. Running, skipping, dancing in the aisles, Knocking over stockboys, grabbing cars past the pile!  So, from the forepart door, at that place arose such a clatter. The night manager ran out to see what was the matter. He ran to entry and what should appear? It looked like Santa, with crimson suit and white beard!  Equally the manager walked closer, he slowed down because, By the way Santa walked, no ordinary Santa this was! He had a range finder above his center through which he surveyed the store, Under the red suit was armor, his boots clanked the floor!  As the manager watched, Santa moved downwardly ane alley, To where the scalpers were continuing, each one with a grin. But as Santa approached, their smiles disappeared, Their eyes grew beady, their mouths became sneers.  "Besides bad for you Santa," they said with a moan, "Get your own cars, exit our collectibles alone. Yous've got all the toys you want, fabricated by your elves, And then get out us alone to clean these off the shelves."  "Equally yous wish", Santa said as he raised his right arm, The Wookie scalps dangled! His sawed-off blaster was armed! The scalpers' eyes widened, their jaws dropped in fright. Santa moved the blaster, placing each ane in his sights.  "The matter is simple, these toys are for kids. But y'all're selling them at flea markets or, accepting high bids! You're providing a service? A service to who? Well, hither'south where it ends. Here's what you will practise:"  You'll put these toys back, all in their correct places. You'll hand them to parents and put smiles on their faces. These things you will practice and if I hear 'no'..." Santa nodded toward his blaster and said, "Let'south go".  Most scalpers ran, a few in fearfulness walked. Every bit the manager watched, his shelves were restocked! When they were finished, they all ran out the door. For the first time in months, non a scalper in the store!  His work at TRU finished, a task well done, Santa exited the store and climbed into Sleigh-one. As the ship raised from the ground, the manager heard sung, "Happy collecting to all and Hot Cycle's for anybody.  (Writer unknown, slightly edited from original version)  ************************************************************ ************************************************************      

Short Title: School  From Frasier@relationshipology.com Mon Sep  vii xviii:58:36 1998 Appointment: Mon, 7 Sep 1998 16:56:04 -0400      Twas the Night Earlier Schoolhouse  'Twas the night before school started when all through the town The parents were auspicious It was a riotous sound  By eight the kids were washed and tucked into bed When memories of homework filled them with dread  New pencils, new folders, new notebooks, as well New teachers, new friends- their anxiety grew  The parents just giggled when they learned of this fright And shouted upstairs- Become TO BED- Information technology'Southward A SCHOOL NIGHT!  List Site: http://www.findmail.com/listing/frasier-daily/    ************************************************************ ************************************************************      

Short Title: SchoolDaze  From: Marcy Owens Date: 12/22/02  'TWAS THE DAZE Earlier CHRISTMAS  'Twas the days before Christmas, And all through the school, The teachers were trying To but go along their cool.  The hallways were hung With Christmas art (Some made in November to go a head start!)  The children were bouncing Off ceilings and walls, And seemed to forget How to walk in the halls.  When out of the teacher's lounge With "vacation shirts" And "jingle bong jewels," The teachers looked festive Enforcing the rules.  Suddenly, from downwardly the hallway At that place came such a chatter, The principal went in To see what was the matter.  The teachers were hiding And trying to refuel, On java and cookies And treats from the Yule.  When what to their wondering Ears practise they hear, But the ringing of school bells - Information technology's the children they fearfulness!  More rapid than reindeer The little ones came, And the teachers all shouted And called them past name;  Walk, Vincent! Walk, Tanner! Walk, Tyler and Sammy! Sit down, Jamie! Sit, Laura! Sit, Tara and Tammy!  To your desks in the room! To your spots in the line! Now walk to them! Walk to them! No running this time!  And so directly to their places The children all went. With fear of detention Where they could be sent.  With manuals of lessons Cradled in arms, The teachers began To utilize all their charms.  Only the lessons presented All fell on deaf ears. The children were thinking Of Santa'southward reindeer!  With a toss of their hands They put manuals aside, Went straight to the cupboards Where videos hide.  And laying their finger On the TV remote They saturday dorsum to write Their final Christmas note.  But you lot could hear them exclaim At the end of the day - Take a wonderful, happy and L-O-O-O-O-O-NG Holiday!!!  Debbie Dillon   ************************************************************ ************************************************************      

Brusk Championship: SchoolFinals1  From: Odd Erling Due north. Eriksen (odderi@pvv.org) Subject: 'twas the night before finals  Newsgroups: eunet.jokes Date: 2002-12-xvi 07:54:45 PST     This is an quondam 1, just still - for those who are studying, it captures    the nowadays mood better than any other poem I've always read. :-)  'Twas the Nighttime Before Finals.  Twas the night earlier finals, And all through the college, The students were praying For terminal minute noesis.  Almost were quite sleepy, Only none touched their beds, While visions of essays Danced in their heads.  Out in the taverns, A few were however drinking, And hoping that liquor Would loosen up their thinking.  In my ain flat, I had been pacing, And dreading exams I shortly would be facing.  My roommate was speechless, His nose in his books, And my comments to him Drew unfriendly looks.  I tuckered all the java, And brewed a new pot, No longer caring That my nerves were shot.  I stared at my notes, But my thoughts were muddy, My optics went ablur, I just couldn't report.  "Some pizza might help," I said with a shiver, Just each place I called Refused to deliver.  I'd nearly concluded That life was besides cruel, With futures depending On grades had in school.  When all of a sudden, Our door opened wide, And Patron Saint Put It Off Ambled inside.  His spirit was devil-may-care, His fashion was mellow, Then all of a sudden, He started to bellow:  "What kind of student Would make such a fuss, To toss back at teachers What they tossed at us?"  "On Cliff Notes!  On Crib Notes! On last yr's exams! On Wingit and Slingit, And terminal infinitesimal crams!"  His message delivered, He vanished from sight, But nosotros heard him laughing Outside in the nighttime.  "Your teachers have pegged you, And so just do your best. Happy Finals to All, And to All, a good test."   - Chad West. Sclove   ************************************************************ ************************************************************      

Short Title: SchoolFinals2  Subject: the nighttime before the final  Date: 08/x/2000  Author: Venu Kolavennu                  Newsgroup: ucb.class.cs61b   Twas the night before the final and all thru soda, Not a computer was logged into, not even boroda.   The students at home, all studious and prepared, Were pondering"hmm will Brudno lower the grading scale?"    As I walked thru 275 saturday down and kicked back, I wondered to myselfwas it all ending just similar that?   Feels simply yesterday I was working on minimax,  And but the solar day earlier I was learning about stacks,   Countless hours I had spent here on second floor, Many during the day, but in the dark, even more.   As I sabbatum back and reminisced about the concluding 8 weeks, I realized it was fun, though at times there was grief.   And as I got upwardly to leave Soda hall, I remembered the times of stress, the times of fun, and all,   And and then headed on my way toward Northgate, When I remembered, shit......i all the same got a last to accept.     penny PANGUIN  ************************************************************ ************************************************************              

Short Championship: SchoolFinals3  From: FunkyM (funkym@my-deja.com) Subject area: Re: From Funky with dear  Newsgroups: rec.sport.pro-wrestling Date: 2002-12-06 09:00:27 PST   That fourth dimension of yr is almost here again. You know what FunkyM is taking most. Exam time! Every year at this time, FunkyM is reminded of his favourite exam time. He wrote a piffling verse form about it:   'Twas the night earlier exams, and all through my bed, Non a creature was sleeping, my optics felt like pb; The stockings were tossed on the floor with intendance, In hopes that my female parent would soon encounter them at that place;  But my parents were nestled all snug in their beds, While nightmares of calculus danced in my head; With my energy fading, and my stomach a growl, I knew it wouldn't be long until I threw in the towel,  I leaped downward the stairs, ran to the refrigerator quick, Turned on the television, pressed a push button and click. When what to my wondering eyes should announced, But a bottle of vodka and 8 cans of beer!  Subsequently that the night was a blur, I slept right through work, My head was a throbbing when I awoke with a jerk. And as I tried to remember what I studied last night,  I sobbed, "HAPPY Examination Fourth dimension TO ALL AND TO ALL A Skillful NIGHT!!!"   ************************************************************ ************************************************************      

Short Title: SchoolOrals  from http://www.spring-tree.com/christmas.html                          'Twas the Night Earlier Orals                         Written for Christine Smith          by Diane Penkoff, Assistant Professor, at Purdue University.                                                   'Twas the night before orals; The pacing was frantic.                'Twas no time for quarrels Or similar antics.                                                    The disk drives were humming. The lamps were ablaze.             But thoughts were not coming! The brain was a-daze.                                                        Lone at the books, The haggard soul gazed,          Staring downward with blank looks, More than than slightly amazed.                                                     This new hill to climb Merely grew bigger and higher                  While one at a time, Family member tired.                                                       All judgment regressed. Cognition grew bleary.                Was ANOVA a test One could use in comm theory?                                                    What was that about t-tests And significance levels?            Was pooled variance best When reporting those devils?                                                         And rhetorical studies--So much to remember!              Who were Cicero's buddies? Were they orators all?                                                     Foucault! And Quintillian! And Fisher! And Burke!                 There must be a million Huge bodies of work!                                                   What near the commission? Is it not cool to feed 'em?          Should one effort to be witty? Does one dare endeavor to lead 'em?                                                       Then all of a sudden, there On the bookcase appeared             A man small and spare With a glist'ning white bristles.                                                      He smoked a clay pipe And seemed jolly and spry,              With a joke growing ripe In the gleam of his middle.                                                    He was a strange sight 'Cause although he was hairy,             He'd wand and wings white! Was he warlock or fairy?                                                     "You think I look odd," He said, puffing his pipe,                "But a lithe girlish bod Is mere stereotype!"                                                      "My sex," he said, "varies And may seem a bender             But off-white's fair for fairies, Past race and past gender."                                                    "I'm your quals good luck fairy, Despite being male.               Though orals are scary, You simply tin can't neglect."                                                      "I'm spreading my magic," Said he with a smirk.                 "Quals cannot exist tragic, Or I'd be a jerk!"                                                       Then with a great gust, He brandished his wand                And spread fairy dust To make the spell bond.                                                "Go along, kid, and dazzle. Your committee will laissez passer you lot.              There's no need to exhaust No one can harass yous."                                                     Then conferring a smile And a rather sharp stare,                He disappeared while Puffing fume in the air.                                                  He was gone in a twinkling, But within those iv walls             He bequeathed a slight inkling Of life after quals.                                                      A lingering phrase, Though the fairy'd departed,               Hung about like a haze And this wisdom imparted:                                                        "For sanity'southward sake, You deserve a vacation,             Which you just cannot take Until mail service-dissertation!"   ************************************************************ ************************************************************      

Brusque Title: SchoolSpecialNeedsChildren  From: Angela Cimmino (acimmino@HSC.VCU.EDU) Subject: FW: Twas the night before Christmas  Newsgroups: chip.listserv.down-syn Date: 2002-12-12 10:22:15 PST   I'k mostly a lurker hither, but idea I would share this. Information technology came from local listserv for education advancement here in Virginia, and since information technology was indicated that information technology was ok to share (no 1 knows who the author is), I thought I would do but that...  Happy Holidays to all, Angela, Mom to Madelyn (3 yo, nda) and Neil (10 mos old, ds)  -----Original Message----- Sent: Tuesday, Dec 10, 2002 eleven:15 PM Subject: Special Ed? FW: Twas the night before Christmas  'Twas the dark before Christmas  'Twas the dark earlier Christmas and all through the schools No students were present to break whatever rules The budget was written and every dime spent with no one quite sure where it all went  The school board was snuggled all safe in their beds While visions of budget increases danced in their heads When of a sudden there arose such a clatter They leaped from their beds to encounter what was the matter  Away to the board room they went in a dash besides meet who it was that threatened the cash And there before them who did appear With problems they thought finished this year  In one case more before them plain to see Were parents of children they chosen ESE Nosotros've done this earlier and we were quite clear So one time again tell us why you are hither  One of them stepped forrad and before long was apparent That this person earlier them was one informed parent. The presentation was prepared with not bad thought and intendance With federal law quotes that brought them keen glares  With a voice loud and clear they were all called past name These are not new laws and the meaning is plain IDEA, ADA, LRE, and, 504 Information technology is time to remind y'all merely like before  Nosotros wish you good tidings great hope and good cheer The time for inclusion is finally here Why won't you lot listen to this our plight To be included is non privilege only right  We want them included right from the start To become part of the whole and not kept autonomously We want them included and yes all ways all Don't make them feel different don't brand them experience pocket-sized  For such a long time the seed has been planted why do we still struggle for what to others is granted No not right now but we'll tell you when Nosotros've heard that same story again and again  So on this the holiest of nights nosotros say inclusion is not privilege but right and on this issue we firmly practice stand the rights of our children we do now demand  As the coming together concluded ending the nighttime It was heard.........  MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL EQUAL RIGHTS   ************************************************************ ************************************************************      

Short Title: SchoolWeekBeforeChristmas     The Week Before Christmas     Written by: Joyce Luke   'Twas the week earlier Christmas and all through the school  Not a student was silent, no affair what rule.  The children were decorated with paper and paste;  The mess that they made with it couldn't be faced.   The teacher one-half frantic and near in tears,  Had just settled down to work with her dears,  When out in the hall there arose such a clatter  upwards sprang the kids to meet what was the affair!   Abroad to the door they all flew similar a flash;  The i who was leading went downwardly with a crash.  So what to their wondering eyes did appear  But a green Christmas tree! (To decorate I fearfulness!)   When the instructor saw this, she well-nigh grew ill.  She knew in a moment it must exist Old Nick!  She ran to the door (all her efforts were vain)  But she shouted, and stamped, and she called them by name;   "Now Tommy! Now Sandy, Now Judy and Harry!  Stop Billy! Cease Robert! End Donny and Sherry!  At present get to your places get abroad from the hall  At present get away! Get away! Get away all!   As leaves that earlier the wild hurricane fly  The pupils, pell mell, started scurrying by.  They ran to the blackboard and skipped down the aisle;  Their faces were shining and each had a smile.   Showtime came a basket of popcorn to string  -And so came the Christmas tree (menacing matter).  Equally the tree was brought in at that place arose a nifty shout;  The pupils were merrily romping well-nigh.   The state they were in could lead to a riot;  The instructor was sure, if allowed, they would try it.  Her nerves how they jangled! Her temples were throbbing!  The rush of her breath sounded almost like sobbing!   The lines of her face were as stock-still as a mask;  It was plain that she didn't feel up to her task.  The expect in her eye would have tamed a wild steer,  Merely the children ignored it; they did every year.   A tear from her eye and a milk shake of her caput  Soon led me to think that she wished she were dead.  She spoke non a word simply went straight to her piece of work,  Strung all the popcorn which broke with a jerk.   Simply at terminal it was finished and placed on the tree;  Then came the bong and the children were complimentary.  Their shrill piddling voices soon faded abroad  And peace was restored at the end of the day.  As she looked at the Christmas tree glistening and tall,  She smiled equally she whispered, Merry Christmas to all!  ************************************************************ ************************************************************      

Brusque Title: ScienceFiction  from http://world wide web.wi2600.org/mediawhore/mirrors/textfiles.com/holiday/omnixmas.hum  	'Twas the Night Before Christmas      past David A. Tarr      Published in OMNI in Dec 1979  'Twas the night before Christmas and all through my home, Not a creature was stirring not even my clone. The test tubes were hung past the burner with care, In hopes that Saint Nicholas soon would exist in that location.  The androids were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions on mc2 danced in their heads. My married woman in her one-piece, and I in my vest, Had but settled down to some drug induced residuum.  When out past the labs there arose such a clatter, My bed woke me upward to meet what was the matter. Abroad to the window, I hastened my mass, Tore open the blast shields, and threw up the glass.  The refraction of moonlight through smog-ridden air Gave a luster of midday to everything there, When what to my bionic optics did appear, Simply a mass driven sleigh with some strange landing gear,  With a quick little airplane pilot, a company homo, who did what was asked and followed the plan. More rapid that phantoms, his coursers they came. He impulsed his crewmen, and called them by proper noun.  "Now Redox! Now Hewlett! Now Quasar and Photon! "On laser! On Xerox! On Pulsar and Proton! "To the summit of the dome by the air intake vent. "At present dash away rapidly before our fuel'due south spent"  So, up to the air vent his coursers they flew, With a craft full of toys and Saint Nicholas, also. And so, in a flash, on the dome I hear The scratching and scraping of stout landing gear.  I steadied my blaster, my chest to the basis, And then, through the air vent, he came with a jump. He was dressed in a three-piece he'd rented near here, (why purchase and outfit y'all article of clothing once a year?)  A life support system he wore on his back, While the toys for the 'droids he took out of his pack. A bottle of Synthroid he held in his hand. (He was quite overweight from a poor thyroid gland)  He brought out the toys that department stores sell; The elves at the Pole couldn't make them besides. He checked with the base ship, while doing his work, And filled all the test tubes, then turned with a jerk.  His anti-grav chugalug was secure, I suppose, And pressing the key'due south up the air vent he rose. He sprang to his arts and crafts, to the coiffure gave a shout; The ship heaved a shudder, then blasted them out.  Merely I heard him exclaim, as he flew out of sight, "Merry Christmas to all and to all a proficient flight!"   ************************************************************ ************************************************************      

Brusque Championship: SciMedDiseasesLyme1  Bailiwick:      TWAS THE Night Before CHRISTMAS From:         "Donna Herrell"                  Appointment:         1997/12/eleven Message-ID:   <66p8hf$8vq$1@alpha.sky.net> Newsgroups:   sci.med.diseases.lyme  For My Friends,.... Happy Holidays. (A Lyme rendition of the 1823 classic)  TWAS THE NIGHT Earlier CHRISTMAS  Twas' the night earlier Christmas, when all through the house. Not a creature was stirring, not a white-footed mouse.  The IV bags were hung, past the poles with care. In hopes that St. Doc soon would be there.  The child patients were nestled all snug in their beds. While visions of antibiotics danced in their heads.  And Ma' in her night sweats, and I in my pain. Had just settled down for a long winters nap.  When out on the lawn in that location arose such a clatter. I limped from my bed to see what was the matter.  Away to the window I limped in a flash. Pushed open the window and threw-upwardly on the sash.  The moon on the chest of the new-fallen snow Gave the luster of mid-solar day to objects beneath. When what to my wondering eyes should appear. But Dr. S himself and viii tiny reindeer.  With a keen commuter so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Stick. More rapid than the IRS, his coursers they came. And he whistled and shouted and chosen them by proper name:  "Now NIH! Now CDC! Now WHO and NIMH! On HMO's! On Blueish Cross! On SSA and Medicare. To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall! Now dash claims, dash claims, nuance away all.  Equally spirochetes before antibiotics wing, when they meet with the nucleus in information technology's middle. So up to the house-top the coursers they flew, With a sleigh full of doxycycline and antidepressants too.  And then in a twinkling I heard on the roof The stamping and stomping of each big hoof.  As I drew my weary head and was turning effectually, Downwardly the chimney St. Stick came with a spring.  He was dressed all in white from his head to his foot. His clothes were not tarnished with ashes and soot. A bundle of Prozac he had flung on his back. And he looked like drug dealer carrying his pack.  His eyes-how they condescended! His dimples not there. His cheeks were very pale, his olfactory organ similar a pear. His tight lipped mouth was drawn like a puppet. And the beard on his chin looked like a muppet.  He didn't smoke, and and then showed the white of his teeth. And his ego encircled his head like a wreath. He had a narrow face and a fairly trim belly. That pooched out when he relaxed like a bowl total of jelly.  He was stern and lacked compassion, a right directly one-time doc. And I cringed when I saw him, in spite of myself.  A wink of his eye and a twist of his head. Soon gave me to know I had a lot to dread.  He spoke a lot of gibberish, and then went directly to his work. And filled all the stockings then turned with a jerk. And laying his finger bated of his nose And giving a nod upwardly the chimney he rose.  He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a mind. And abroad they all flew leaving my wallet in demand.  Just I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight. "Accept Prozac twice a twenty-four hour period and have a skilful dark!"  -Donna Herrell (1996)      ************************************************************ ************************************************************              

Brusk Championship: SciMedDiseasesLyme2  From: Bob2221M (bob2221m@aol.com) Subject: Nighttime Earlier Lyme Christmas  Newsgroups: sci.med.diseases.lyme Date: 2001-12-23 11:12:36 PST      This is from final year.  I tried to include everybody only it was impossible,   please forgive me if I missed your name.   - Bob  'Twas the night before Christmas And out on the 'net The Lymies were talking about  What they would get  They talked of prescriptions  Their stockings were fillin' Doxy, Amoxy Zithro, Ampicillin  Flagyl, Mepron,  Claforan, Tinidazole Some on I.V. Rocephin Stuck tied to a pole.  After a while they went off to their beds And dreamed of being healthy And not needing meds.  They rode bikes and scooters and jogged in the Fall Took out the kids For a game of football  Went picnicking, camping Swam in the stream Merely then they awoke Information technology was only a dream  Out came the Excedrine Out came the Aleve But wait!  A whisper Hard to believe!  A calling Placidity at first Then louder and louder As if the sky burst!  A saint?  An apostle? Tin can't make a determination Some sort of salvation Of undetermined religion  "Come out all you lot Lymies If you don't you'll regret Tonight is a dark  Y'all'll never forget"  Lights on, out they stumbled With slumber in their eyes Unhooked their I.V.s And looked to the skies  At that place was Deb, in that location was Julie Annie, Barb besides Lovey and Georgia And from New Bailiwick of jersey, Sue  In that location was Brite and Kathleen MisTick and her brood Rufie and Joel (He'southward a existent cool dude!)  Judiann, Martha Michelle, Jenny, Don, Pat, and Lou Robyn and Jon  I saw Kay, Bryan, Amy And Sarah, and Art And Joel, and others All waiting to kickoff  "Await what I've brought You won't be dismayed You lot all accept  insurance Your bills are all paid  "An extended vacation For the O.P.M.C. And liberty to practice For all Fifty.50.K.D.due south  So forget swollen knees Your future'due south secure We've killed Lyme disease I brought yous the cure!  And there's no more Erlichia So each little tick Will still be disgusting  But information technology won't make y'all ill.  Next morn was painless Out in the sun They did all the things  They missed, that were fun  Now they still talk on the 'internet But their love is enough And instead of disease They just talk well-nigh stuff.  ************************************************************ ************************************************************      

Matthew Monroe in Richland, WA

Last Modified January 7, 2007

ruizthintiess.blogspot.com

Source: https://alchemistmatt.com/twas/twasall41.html